It's amazing the way my whole world has flipped upside down because yours has ended. I've never realized just how much I love you until I can no longer tell you I do. The way I've never thought about you so much until now and I can't even let you know you're on my mind. I've taken so many people in my life for granted; I've been selfish. I took you for granted. I never took a second to tell you hey; I never stopped to appreciate all that you are. For that I'll never forgive myself. I miss you so much that my insides are numb. My eyes ache from crying and my stomach never stops turning, but in my heart I feel nothing. My own heartbeat feels absent without you. I keep having dreams about you. Last night I dreamt that you told me to tell your sister it was all going to be okay. Every time i close my eyes, you're there. Every time i don't have the music blaring i hear your laugh. I miss the way you smell, I miss your big hands and the way you gave the most painful high fives. I even miss the way you never let anyone touch your hair or your face, heaven forbid the oils from our hands made you breakout. I miss the way you'd call me a bitch then hug me the next second and tell me you loved me. I miss the noise you made when you hugged me. I miss your white t-shirts and black Dickies. I even miss those stupid white shoes and the way you flipped out if someone scuffed them. I found a video on my phone that I took of you. You got mad I was videoing you and put my phone in your pants. We laughed so hard that night our stomachs ached. I miss your big black person nose :0). I don't know how I'm ever going to be good at ice skating backwards without you. I remember my sophomore year I wrote Vicky a note telling her that I thought I was in love with you. I even remember when I slow danced with you and her and I jumped around like giddy little girls. High school memories are come and gone now but I never thought the person the memories were with would be gone too.
You left a bigger impact than I'm sure you ever thought you would. People love you. People who didn't even know you love you. Not one person will deny that you did everything for everyone. Sure, you were high maintenance and annoying at times but you were loved by all. You still are. There isn't a minute that goes by that we don't think about you. We're doing it big for you, Riley. Everything we do, we do it big. You better believe that April 30th we're throwing the biggest 21st birthday party this town has seen. We will never forget you, Riley. You will live in the heart of this town and in the hearts of everyone in it forever, no doubt about it. Thank you for inspiring me to impact lives the way you did.
Every pool table I ever see will have "Cool Club-Riley Litchfield 6/24/11" carved underneath it. No shoes allowed of course.
Every smiley face I type will be a Riley Smiley :0)
Every memory I have of you will be a happy one.
I'm doing it big for you.
DBTFR<3
Love always,
Kimberlake
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